The core teams of Kinky Salon are the people who put in the time and energy it takes to produce events and nurture the community. These folks don’t just volunteer at events or take on one task; they’re the ones who have made a more significant commitment of time and energy.
Are you core team material? Ask yourself these questions:
- Are you available to meet on a regular basis for planning meetings?
- Are you available to brainstorm online and savvy with online collaboration tools (or willing to learn)?
- Are you excited to share your experience and resources with the community?
- And most importantly, does the idea of meeting regularly, chatting online and sharing resources with a team of people making something awesome happen fill you with excitement and make you jump out of your seat with your hand in the air saying “me me me, pick me!”?
Some details about how we do things:
- The first event a new core team member joins is a trial for everyone to see how they work together
- Kinky Salons are organized one event at a time, with accountability reviews happening after each party where we go over everyone’s commitments and follow through.
- Core team members can leave the team if they’re too busy to help out and rejoin again later. We love healthy boundaries.
- Ideally, the teams for each event are always changing with new folks joining and busy folks taking a break.
- Each team is self managing and autonomous, so check in with local teams to find out the details of how they’re run.
Join the Family
The truth is that being part of a Kinky Salon is a lot like being in a kinky poly family. Forget collaboration or business techniques–the workshops we take and books we read on building creative relationships are probably the best resource we have for navigating a Kinky Salon core team. We are creating a container for love and connection to flourish and it becomes a lot like a family.
The D/s dynamic in Kinky Salon teams
There are some people who really like being told what to do. They don’t want to get involved in dialogues or creative brainstorming. They just want someone to give them a task and tell them how to do it. Not everyone is turned on by being a leader. There are also people who really enjoy telling people what to do! Match those folks up and you can get a lot of stuff done. All these different dynamics can be carefully and consensually navigated in a Kinky Salon team and each member is valued equally. There is no hierarchy in a core team, only different ways of participating. But don’t let the people who enjoy telling people what to do boss around the folks who aren’t into it. Just like D/s relationships these kinds of arrangements only work when they’re carefully negotiated. Just because someone is quiet doesn’t mean they want to be topped!! Conscious, clearly communicated IDEA/execution teams can be navigated just like D/s relationships.
If you’re interested in joining a team, just like if you want to join a poly kink family, it’s important to be really clear about your availability. If you’re really excited about joining but you regularly can’t make the meetings because of work commitments, the team might want to work around you or they might not. If you say you’re available but then don’t show up the team will hold you accountable. Being really clear and honest about your availability at the start will mean there’s less room for misunderstandings or assumptions.
Creating healthy boundaries are essential to any kind of group dynamic. Everyone on the core team needs to figure out what their boundaries are and communicate them clearly. What makes your participation in the team more joyful? Are you a process geek who loves spreadsheets and getting organized? Or are you the kind of person who gets satisfaction from being the last person to lock the door when the clean up is over? Figure out what makes you happy and be clear about your favorite way to participate. The goal is to put together a core team that has enough diversity within it that all the bases are covered. While circumstances beyond everyone’s control might mean sometimes we all have to chip in to do things nobody wants to do, if boundaries are crossed repeatedly you won’t be a happy team.
Every Kinky Salon team is a little bit different, but there are some golden rules that apply to everyone. Team members are expected to communicate clearly and fulfill their commitments. Our goal is to build Kinky Salon together. That means throwing great events and nurturing the community in between. We are all in this together.
- Take one for the team.
The community needs to take priority over individual needs or desires. That means sometimes making a sacrifice over what you want. Although it’s possible to align our personal goals with Kinky Salon and use the community as a vehicle to further our own agenda, the priority always has to be what’s best for the community.
- Be available.
However your team chooses to communicate, whether they favor regular face to face meetings or prefer interacting online, all team members are expected to keep up with communication relevant to the tasks they’re working on. If you are part of a Kinky Salon team you should answer emails, texts and return phone calls within 48 hours, and show up to meetings when scheduled around your availability. If you are already working on a lot of projects, have kids, or a demanding job please be crystal clear about your availability before you join the team.
- Be thoughtful and considerate.
Kinky Salon is a community. Our goal is to create an environment where love and connection can flourish. Take a moment before you respond to consider all the perspectives. Think about how your response will affect others on the team.
- Be open to criticism and give it gracefully.
We tell each other when we think we could do better. Criticism should always be approached with an air of curiosity and compassion from both sides.
- Don’t argue online.
The internet is the worst place to argue. If you’re sensing tension just pick up the phone. Skyping is even better because you can see people’s facial expressions. If you can meet in person that’s even better. Trying to hash out problems online will just escalate and make things worse.
- Always be consensual.
Don’t tell people what to do (unless you’ve specifically negotiated that dynamic.) Don’t comment online about someone on the team without their consent. Don’t reveal people’s private or personal information. Ask permission, not forgiveness.
Adding new people to the family
Here’s an email you can copy and paste to the people who are interested in joining your core team
Hello potential new core team members!
Instead of leaping in to create a Kinky Salon, we’d like to start by just spending some time getting a sense of who the people on this list are. Once we’ve had a little chance to get to know each other we’ll have a face to face meeting.
- honest assessment of availability
- other projects you’re working on
- preferred method of communication
- response time to emails
- do you like telling people what to do or do you prefer to be given a task to work on?